With so much of the news one hears of today mostly either bad (like Iraq and global warming) or inane (Hollywood), I thought it would be nice to inject a little humour in today’s post , which was certainly news to me!
The health Q & A below was meant to have been answered by a “leading” physician. Whoever he is, I like him!!
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your
ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’ t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days
in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO …… Cocoa beans! Another
vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride!“