Category: Humour
TV has become part of our daily lives. For quite a number, they can’t imagine life without it. They know their TV shows better than they do their spouse in some cases. In fact, they would know which TV character was speaking on their favorite show even if they can’t see the screen, usually by their catch phrases. Guess that’s why they call it the TV generation.
Well, TV Land has decided to make their list of the 100 greatest quotes and catch phrases. TV Land will be running a week long show, counting down the list til we get to the number one, most recognized catchprase (or quote). The show starts on December 11 and? runs til December 15.
Some of the phrases that have made it to the list are:
- Paris Hilton’s “That’s Hot” from the Simple Life at number 86
- Lurch of the Addams Family comes in at number 49 asking if “You rang?”
- At number 26 is “Smile, You’re on Candid Camera”
- Walter Cronkite is at number 21 “And that’s the way it is.”
- Donald Trump is number three saying “Youre fired!”
And the number one spot goes to….check out the show to find out who got the top spot. It may just surprise you.
Its never too early to start thinking about the impending New Years resolutions (to allow for “last hurrah” binges during the party season no doubt), but before you get the usual blues thinking about how 2007 will mean less food, no tobacco and a nicer you, read on to learn about what could be your new New Years Resolutions. All TRUE and based on scientific findings, courtesy of Live Science.com.
Beer quells heart disease and chocolate staves off cancer? Though often tagged with a disclaimer, studies that tell us to eat, inhale and generally indulge in “bad stuff” is music to our ears. So go ahead and enjoy these bad-for-you remedies?everything in moderation, as they say?until the next study inevitably overturns the research.
1. Drink more BEER
The newest bad kid on the block, beer has long been overshadowed by its healthier alcoholic cousins. While no one’s suggesting you switch that glass of antioxidant-rich Pinot Noir for a tall glass of lager?there’s still that beer gut to worry about?new research has suggested that moderate beer intake can actually improve cardiovascular function. Now if only a scientist will discover the health benefits of ballpark franks and chicken wings. Heaven.
2. Get ANGRY more.
If you’re one of those people who tends to bottle things up, only to explode … don’t hold it in so long. Studies show that bursts of anger here and there are good for the health, and can be an even more effective coping mechanism than becoming afraid, irritated or disgusted. Anger, like the consumables in this list, however, is best in moderation: stay angry for long periods of time and you’ll be plagued with a host of health issues, like blood pressure, sleep disorders and lung damage.
3. Drink more COFFEE
Java is one of the most debated substances around. Is it good for you? Is it bad for you? Both? The consensus, now anyways, seems to favor those who enjoy their morning jolt?unrelated studies claim coffee is a major source of antioxidants in our diet and can help lower your risk of diabetes. Something in the beans is also thought to ease the onset of cirrhosis of the liver and pancreatitis, good news for those who like to party hard all night before their morning caffeine boost.
4. LSD is GOOD To Lessen Drinking
We’re definitely not in the business of advocating drug use. But check out this interesting science: In heavy drinkers, small doses of LSD have been thought to help bypass the rock-bottom stage of alcoholism and prevent relapses. These studies?some decades old?were done in closely monitored, clinical settings; many patients haven’t had a drink in the many years since. It’s an interesting finding that needs a lot more investigation, and not a remedy that should ever be tried at home. Meantime?and this may come as no surprise?a recent study of 36 volunteers who took an LSD-like drug in a lab setting had them reporting mystical experiences and behavior changes that lasted for weeks.
5. Get more SUN
Exposure to the sun’s rays is necessary to survive, but can also kill you in gross, cancerous quantities. Asthmatics, at least, could benefit from measured doses of ultraviolet rays, according to scientists. Sunlight suppressed the immune reactions that cause asthma in some lab studies with mice and could be used to treat humans afflicted with the disease in the future. And sunlight?even if indirect, such as on a shaded porch?is known to boost the mood. Extra sunlight can help office workers avoid afternoon drowsiness, a recent study found. There’s still no excuse to head outside and bake, however.
6. Use MAGGOTS On Your Wounds
They’re creepy, slimy and altogether ooky, but maggots can save your life. These squirmy larvae are science’s newest wonder-cure and were approved in 2003 as the Food & Drug Administration’s only live medical device. Placed on serious wounds, maggots mimic their “wild” lifestyle and munch on bacteria and dead tissue, stimulating healing and helping to prevent infection.
7. Light Up a JOINT
It’s medicinal, we swear! Marijuana, often associated with memory loss, is ironically now being hyped as a way to stave off the ultimate form of memory loss?Alzheimer’s. Recent studies on mice suggest that anti-inflammatories found in the drug prevent the clumping of brain proteins, one major cause of the disease. So when should you start preventative therapy? We suggest waiting for the human studies to wrap up.
8. Drink More RED wine
A crucial ingredient in the diets of the world’s heart-healthiest populations?like those Bordeaux-guzzling French?red wine has long been known to have potent anti-cancer and artery-protecting benefits. The key, some studies indicate, is an antioxidant found specifically in the skin of red wine grapes, called resveratrol. The latest studies even link resveratrol to greater endurance, a reduction in gum disease and Alzheimer’s. White wine, which is fermented after the skins are removed, is less beneficial according to some studies.
9. Eat more CHOCOLATE
Chocolate lovers rejoice: study after study lately has touted the magical benefits of the indulgent treat, which is packed with the antioxidant flavonols that prevent certain cancers and keep your arteries from clogging. The most recent news? These powerful chemicals may even increase blood flow to the brain, warding off dementia. Just stick to the highest cocoa content possible?the bars packed with sugar don’t help your health one bit.
10. Have More SEX
Scientists have found that the benefits of sex go beyond immediate, ahem, gratification and satisfying the goal of procreation. Besides the obvious evolutionary purposes, we can all take pleasure in the news that having sex is an easy way to reduce stress, lower cholesterol and improve circulation throughout the body. As if you needed another excuse.
If you think you can send an sms text message fast, how about doing 160 characters in less than 42 seconds.
Well, in Singapore, a sixteen-year-old by the name of Ang Chuang Yang did it it 41.52 seconds, beating the Guinness World Record previously held by American Ben Cook, whose record was a mere 42.22 seconds.
The Singaporean student was part of the competition organised by Singapore Telecommunications, to break the SMS (short message service) world record which was won last July by the now ousted American.
Ang, who said that the trick was about using a cellphone with large keys boasted that he’s try for en even speedier 39 seconds next year.
If you’re curious to know (and possibly practice?) what the 160 character sms message provided by the Guinness World Records said, this was it:
“The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human.”
Hmmm. That would probably take me at least 5 minutes!!
Looking for a bit of humour? Look no further than your local paper’s “lonely hearts ads” . The London Review of Books has brough together a hilarious, unique and eccentric collection of some of the best ads actually printed in the local UK media in a new book entitled “They Call Me Naughty Lola.”
Beginning with the now famous ad which inspired the book’s title, here’s a sampling of the delightful and somewhat bizzare collection:
‘I’ve divorced better men than you’
‘They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46).’
‘I’ve divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don’t think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I’ve ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.’
‘List your ten favourite albums… I just want to know if there’s anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35.’
‘Employed in publishing? Me too. Stay the hell away. Man on the inside seeks woman on the outside who likes milling around hospitals guessing the illnesses of out-patients. 30-35. Leeds.’
‘I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I’ll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you’re the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.’
‘Romance is dead. So is my mother’
‘My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.’
‘Your buying me dinner doesn’t mean I’ll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.’
‘Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I’ll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.’
‘Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man, 36. Note, people who aren’t Kate Bush need not respond.’
‘Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people’s names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I’ll make love to you. If it hasn’t, I probably will anyway, but I’ll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.’
‘Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.’
‘Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks…damn it, I have to pee again.’
‘Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities, 37, seeks man who can toss a good salad.’
‘Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.’
‘Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.’
